Whys And What Fors
by anxiousgeek
Summary: Helen/Will smut. "For each ecstatic instant we must an anguish pay."


It was wrong.

Helen knew that going in but couldn't help herself, from the first kiss to the first thrust, it had been a monumentally bad idea. One that felt good, but then, she hadn't had sex in decades. And she wasn't one for impulse, or letting herself go like this, but, still here she was was, locking her ankles around Will's back, pulling him in a little deeper and making them both moan. His glasses were on her bedside table, she'd taken them off herself but had been unable to look into his eyes. If she had she probably would've stopped, but she hadn't because she didn't want to stop. No matter how wrong it was, or confusing.

She hoped he thought the same. That no matter the attraction between them, both their friendship, and their working relationship was more important than this. He must realise she can never have anything close to a normal relationship, not since Druitt and not even before him. She didn't even have a normal relationship with her own daughter.

Then he shifted, and the wrongs and whys and what for's were forgotten.

They hadn't kissed since the first kiss in the hallway, an awkward and accidental passing of lips but she wanted to kiss him again. She liked kissing. She pulled his head up from her chest, thrusting her hips back up into his, trying to find a rhythm, as their lips met, feeling awfully out of practice all of a sudden and knowing Will would probably understand. He was very understanding, very clever, very handsome.

It was hard to remember the reasons why this was wrong when his every thrust into her body felt like a reason why it was right. They kissed, lips jolting apart as their hips sought a rhythm, Helen held onto her moans as best she could but Will was more vocal than she had expected.

And she did have expectations, about him, about this, because she had spent night thinking about him, about this.

He groaned, and cursed and she couldn't help an amused smile at the dirty words. During the day she chastised him when he swore, something he did infrequently, she loved the shy look he gave her when she told him off like a naughty child. She loved something about him, lots of things about him and it frightened her because she didn't want to get that close but couldn't help it. There were so few people close in her world and he had fitted in so nicely.

She loved the way he moved his hips too, the almost frantic but fluid in and out, his cock pushing deep into her body, pressing against places her vibrators seem to have missed all these years and she wanted to scream before she was even ready to come.

"You think this is a bad idea," he whispered against her lips, kissing her briefly and then dipping his head down to kiss the tops of her breasts.

"No."

"Don't lie to me Helen," he muttered, he took a nipple into his mouth, and she wanted to cry out as he held it between his teeth, the movement of his body causing him to tug at it. "You need to let go. Please."

The '_please_' made her laugh, then she moaned when he bit down harder on her nipple.

"Demanding," she joked and he smiled, kissing her lips again.

It was still wrong but she felt better about it, but then, she could feel it coming, the crescendo and crash, it was there on the periphery. He kept kissing her, kept moving, in and out, and twist and that had been unexpected and she did cry out then. Will could be so unexpected at times, why was she so surprised now.

He didn't say anymore, she could feel him tensing up above her, feel his abdomen tighten pressed against hers, felt his hands press harder into the bedspread and then he thrust harder into her body and she couldn't help cry out on every inward thrust, a little '_ah_' noise that escaped despite any effort she might've put in to stop it.

When she felt fingers on her clit a little surprised "_oh_," escaped and he laughed, a strangled noise that he sort of coughed out as he moved and she smiled too, not quite comfortable enough to laugh back at his own strange sounds, and not able to find the brain function for it either as he pressed down on her clit, fucking her hard and she closed her eyes when she came, crying out one last time, long and loud because he had convinced her it didn't matter about the noises, even if he hadn't convinced her this wasn't wrong.

Though, she noted, on the wave of her orgasm, he hadn't tried.

He came too, with several jerks that ricocheted through his body until he collapsed onto top of her, breathing hard into her neck, kissing her sweaty skin after every few puffs of breath. He went to move and she surprised them both by holding onto him, holding him close to her, feeling his cock slip from her body, but not letting any other part of him leave her.

She wanted to cry.

For the first time for a long time, even her recent run ins with Druitt hadn't left her feeling this raw. It failed to take the edge off the pleasure she felt tingling on her skin though.

"You're not going to let this happen again are you?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"That's a shame."

"I know what's for the best Will," she whispered. He pulled out of arms, rolling off her body and off the bed.

"Not always."


End file.
